It's the Morning After and My Marriage Feels Fine

The stars appear to be aligning. Yesterday, for the first time, a state legislature voted to allow same-sex marriage. Vermont joined Connecticut, Massachusetts, and recently Iowa, in recognizing marriage equality. But unlike those states that overturned the ban on same-sex marriage through judicial establishment of constitutional protections, Vermont’s voter-elected representatives made the historic move. And they did it with enough support to overwhelm Governor Jim Douglas’ veto. All this happened while the Washington D.C. city council voted unanimously to recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states.

Those of us who believe in marriage equality are feeling pretty good. Just don’t turn on your television. Today, the National Organization for Marriage (don’t be confused by the name) launched a new ad campaign that “that highlights how same-sex marriage undermines the core civil rights of those who believe in the simple truth that marriage is the union of one man and one woman.” Huh? The people who don’t want to let same-sex couples get married are claiming their civil rights are at risk?

This illogical dribble is part of a larger strategy to make people who have recognized marriage rights, feel threatened by people who don’t. They have been up to it for a while. The “Defense of Marriage” Act that prohibits the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages performed by states was passed by Congress in 1996.

I recently listened to a radio interview, where the executive director of the National Organization for Marriage, Brian Brown, issued ominous warnings that overturning bans on same-sex marriage will “suppress, marginalize and punish” all the hetero marrieds. According to Brian, the state-by-state move to marriage equality represents a terrible threat to the country as a whole and to each marriage between a woman and a man:

I’ve tried, but I can’t see how my marital institution faces imminent threat because gay and lesbian couples are now able to get married in a handful of states. Just in case I am missing something, I took an extra hard look at my husband as we started our day. Nothing seemed amiss as I eyed him over my coffee mug. Was our union facing disintegration, brought on by allowing (gasp) gay people to have what we have? No revelations here. I can’t seem to find my way around the belief that this argument over “protecting” civil marriage is really just a mask for bigotry. Someone needs to explain it to me.

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10 thoughts on “It's the Morning After and My Marriage Feels Fine

  1. I've often wondered what arguments are used by organizations like the National Organization for Marriage to defend their claims that marriage equality threatens hetero marriages. So, I checked out their website, and under a link called "Why Marriage Matters" (the only place on the website that I could find specific talking points on the need to protect the definition of marriage as the union between one man and one woman), I found these arguments, among others:

    1) Marriage reduces the risk of poverty for children and communities. I agree.

    2) Both men and women who marry live longer, healthier and happier lives. I agree with that also. This is just the sort of argument that can be used by the LGBT community to demonstrate why marriage equality is so important.

    3) Parents who don't get or stay married put children's education at risk. I don't doubt that this is the case.

    Surprisingly, my beliefs as a lesbian in a committed relationship don't conflict with these arguments. I want the ability to be legally married so that, when my partner and I have children, they will have all the protections of children who have different-sex parents. I fully recognize that being in a stable, committed marriage will benefit me and my family. This group also proclaims that "just living together is not the same as marriage". Agreed!

    Is this proof that we can all agree on the importance of marriage, regardless of our sexual identity? Or is this just a recognition of the weakness of the arguments used by a discriminatory group and the homophobia they are attempting to pass off as "social science research"?

  2. I’ve often wondered what arguments are used by organizations like the National Organization for Marriage to defend their claims that marriage equality threatens hetero marriages. So, I checked out their website, and under a link called “Why Marriage Matters” (the only place on the website that I could find specific talking points on the need to protect the definition of marriage as the union between one man and one woman), I found these arguments, among others:

    1) Marriage reduces the risk of poverty for children and communities. I agree.

    2) Both men and women who marry live longer, healthier and happier lives. I agree with that also. This is just the sort of argument that can be used by the LGBT community to demonstrate why marriage equality is so important.

    3) Parents who don’t get or stay married put children’s education at risk. I don’t doubt that this is the case.

    Surprisingly, my beliefs as a lesbian in a committed relationship don’t conflict with these arguments. I want the ability to be legally married so that, when my partner and I have children, they will have all the protections of children who have different-sex parents. I fully recognize that being in a stable, committed marriage will benefit me and my family. This group also proclaims that “just living together is not the same as marriage”. Agreed!

    Is this proof that we can all agree on the importance of marriage, regardless of our sexual identity? Or is this just a recognition of the weakness of the arguments used by a discriminatory group and the homophobia they are attempting to pass off as “social science research”?

  3. Its interesting because in my belief magic can be used to make it legal for all gay people to marry. I am torn as to if protesting actually helps the cause. and if so what kind of protesting should we do? Should we protest with our money? and if so how? who is is that is backing these bills? I know that Brad Pitt, Apple, and Steven Speilberg gave alot of money to fight the issue. Should I see more of their movies? I wish Brad had a clothing line with his face, I would wear it. At the bottom call it American Hero. In China Gay men and women are getting murdered for being gay, much less being allowed to get married. Yet we still buy their products. I find all this interesting.

  4. Its interesting because in my belief magic can be used to make it legal for all gay people to marry. I am torn as to if protesting actually helps the cause. and if so what kind of protesting should we do? Should we protest with our money? and if so how? who is is that is backing these bills? I know that Brad Pitt, Apple, and Steven Speilberg gave alot of money to fight the issue. Should I see more of their movies? I wish Brad had a clothing line with his face, I would wear it. At the bottom call it American Hero. In China Gay men and women are getting murdered for being gay, much less being allowed to get married. Yet we still buy their products. I find all this interesting.

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  6. Intimately, the post is in reality the freshest on this deserving topic. I harmonize with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your next updates. Saying thanks will not just be sufficient, for the extraordinary lucidity in your writing. I will at once grab your rss feed to stay abreast of any updates. Good work and much success in your business enterprise!